It is now 3:00 am...
I can't sleep..Something or somebody is keeping me up, the feeling of guilt hides deep inside of me and I want it to go away..nobody can make it stop. The time is now 4:50 and I've been up since 4:10...4 Days ago. I do not know what to feel any more since everytime I look inside myself im scared to bring out her memories and im afraid to cry. This all began a Feb. 14 when I decided to take my ex-girlfriend out to valentines dinner.
The day I regret the most....She looked so happy but..it all happend so fast, I just wanted her to have fun but it all went wrong!
At 8:51 pm night before valentines, I took her home right after a movie...it was a racing movie and she was fascinated by it, we both were to be honest.. Everything was so cool, the cars looked so fast that the drivers made it look easy...I thought to myself, if my princess was amazed by the movie, would she be amazed if I drove that fast and smooth? This was one of the worst things I could've thought..
After I dropped her off I decided to take I-84 and push my mustang to the limit like in the movie, the car wouldn't go higher than 160 MPH but it was such a thrill I wanted my girl to see it so tomorow after dinner im going to show her.
Valentines ohh valentines...The only day I liked from my childhood is valentines because it meant free heart shaped candies, and free kisses. After valentines of 05 I hate it...
It is valentines! tonight I will take my girl out to dinner and show her my driving skills. 5:35 pm I get a text: baby, I got a bad feeling about tonight..
Reply: what kinda bad feeling?
she calls and we talk..
she says that she feels something bad is going to happend, a robbery to the place im taking her? somebody mugging us? or maybe..Who cares?? I will be there to take care of her...or so I thought.
I pick her up at 7:30 pm sharp. she is wearing a beautiful night gown..she looks amazing. We get to the place with no haze in our pace and we get situated right away. We talk more on what was the bad feeling about, we get looks from other tables as if we were too young to be worrying about that stuff...we ignored them. She says it's something she never felt before as a stay home feeling but she ignored it just to be with me (aww thats sweet)
she orders the steak and I go with the same... 45 minutes later, she is satisfied and ready to go home, and so am I but I remember I want to show her my skills!
I turn the car on and rev it...and rev it 2 more times.. then I put it on reverse and back up into saber ave. and head into luckust st. where I take the ramp into I-84...
65..76...89...110.....151 MPH she seems calm until she sees the speed..then she gets nervous and ask me to slow down....160 ...she asks me to pull over so at 160 miles I pull all the way to the right and I don't see the abandon pickup truck...
She did not have her seatbelt on so as we hit the pickup she flew out and my head slammed full force against the air bag breaking my jaw,nose, and fracturing my neck which paralyzed my body from the neck down....my princess died...the love of my life, the girl I wanted to have a family with is gone forever and it is all my fault.. the doctors say she felt no pain because when she hammered down into the ground she lost all motor skills and then just bleed to death..noo! none of this would've never happened if I would have been more responsible....she is gone..and im just a drag to people...stuck in this wheel chair for the rest of my days. that is why I hate feb.14....the love of my life...my sweet sweet darline died 2/14/05. the police report shows 3 deaths...which makes me wonder..was there somebody on the pickup or was Darline pregnate?
which makes me feel even worst cause I killed a 3rd person I did not know about. I must be the most pathetic human being alive....I wish I wasn't but I guess this is my punishment for killing a woman who was precious to me and another person...I am now 47 and I still remember the dark night when my dear love die as if it happened last night,even if its blurry the memory is alive and burning me inside as if I had a hell waiting for me under my wheelchair. I went to therapy ever since I was 21 and still today I feel guilty cause im the one alive and she is dead.
I drop the book....
Wow poor kid, anybody would think this story was real, kind of makes me sad.
Looking out the window I see a few trucks pass by, and few people carrying on
with their empty lives. I get ready to go into my garage, I continue on work my
1997 golf gti vr6, I think that this is all there is to do in this God forsaken
town, work my car, race for fun, and work.
I work part time for an FBI agency named GHOST. We are the first ones in and
the first ones out, we keep a low profile, and sometimes we are blamed for
contaminating crime scenes unwillingly, since the work we do is sometimes vital
to solving a case, we get off the hook.
My name is jayden miles besides detective work I'm a car junkie, If it has an
engine and it runs I could probably fix it, I was told by my parents before they
died that they had pictures of me taking remote controlled cars apart and mom
told me I had it back together before the day was over.
I kinda miss my parents, but then again I barely remember what they were
like, mom died when I was 7 and dad killed himself shortly after, maybe 2 years.
Apparently my dad didn't care about the scars his suicide would leave me, he
just grabbed the rope from our garage and said I'll be back, just like that a
few hours passed. As I walked out of the garage into our backyard to look for
him, I saw the huge apple tree from which mom took apples to make apple pie,
and the tree's shadow but there was another shadow that started after the apple
tree so I kept walking towards the house once I got around the tree, there he
was looking down at me with a blank emotionless face, his tongue hanging out, he
looked pale and tears were still flowing down his face as if mom was with him
when they both cried about not having enough to buy food for all of us. My
parent were not bad providers but they gave u too easily on life.
I called off work today as I have some important business to tend to, I've
got a date. I invite a girl from work to dinner tonight, she is not my type but
it is worth a shot I guess. I decided that instead of the dinner I'm going to
surprise her with flowers and take her to a movie before dinner. Something I do
not understand is relationships and love, I mean I do understand it but why get
married? Isn't it the same as being boyfriend and girlfriend?
A very wise man said that if you are busy living you are busy dying, and not
to worry because life was too short for worries and too long to rush. The minute
his wise moments faded away he would start talking about aliens and how
cellphones are devils spies listening to our every sin and writing them down.
His name is Robert, he's a homeless ex-mobster now he's a homeless, mobless bum.
I see my boss walking my way from 3 blocks down, I get in the car, start the
engine and take off, it is time to pick Lauren up, I am not in a hurry since I
she lives only 15 minutes away from the police department, and well I live 30
seconds away from it.
Driving I hear my cars engine kind of struggling to keep up with the wheels,
as if it was low on gas, but looking at the gauge it looks like I have half a
tank. Stopping to get gas I notice my heat Gauge is above what would be
considered warm, my car is getting hot? Strange and hard to believe because i
Just had a radiator and intercooler put in.
As I open the hood, to my surprise I see smoke coming out of the radiator,
but I just buy coolant and pour it in the radiator. Once again I am on my way to
lauren's and over hear the engine rattle but I continue and I arrive at her
house 30 minutes later, my car is worrying me, I wonder what it could be? ....as
I talk to myself the door opens and lauren looks incredible, she is wearing a
blue dress with black gems and she matched it perfectly with black shoes.
I am speechless, I have never seen her dressed like this she had her hair down
not in a tacky bun like she does at work and her glasses were off she was
wearing contacts, what to tell her?
She says "I hope this isn't too much!"
I say "you look incredible"
She looks up at the sky and just smiles pauses for a few minutes and says "have
you noticed how beautiful the moon makes the sky look?"
I try to think of something witty, something that will make this a pinnacle
moment in her night, think fast!
"not as beautiful as it makes your eyes look" I say in a lost hope moment, I
know it's lame and she will think it is too but what could possibly be worst?
She has an "awww!" moment right before I point at my car and say "shall we?"
TO BE CONTINUED!!! UPDATED AS OF 7/18/2011